We are in Wilmington now.
It was very difficult getting packed and moved. Jordan kept unpacking our boxes. It sounds funny...but it is really exhausting. Jordan was frustrated too. He kept asking what he could do to help...but was not able to execute. Then he became afraid that the movers were stealing our things. He did not like that.
By the end of the day he was done. He didn't want to get in the car when we were leaving. That took a while. Then when we were 15 minutes away from our new place...which was time sensitive due to signing and the office closing, etc; we stopped for gas. Jordan got out of the car and would not get back in. I can't tell you how hard it is to convince him to get in the car when he doesn't want to.
We had a really good week last week. The first week we had several walkabouts (him leaving and me going out to find him or follow him).
The last week I think we were down to one walkabout.
This weekend we had something like three. He was not a happy camper this weekend. He was mean...throwing my stuff. This is the hard part. He keeps taking things that really don't belong to him. Then I can't find things that I really need...like my calendar that has all our Dr. appointments and contacts in it. --Yep he took it and hid it. I couldn't find it for 2 weeks. That is very distressing.
I'm worried he will take the keys or my wallet and hide them. We will be in a pickle if that happens.
He went through my pocketbook on Sunday (even after I asked him not to). Today I discovered an important letter I received is missing. I know specifically that I put it in the zipper part of the purse...and it is gone.
This is incredibly hard. Yesterday I was not sure I did the right thing. I know I said it is hard. I'm just exhausted. Yesterday we went to the grocery store...which was fine. But when we got home he refused to come inside. The groceries needed to go in the freezer and refrigerator and I was holding almost all of the bags (heavy). I begged him to come. Finally, I went inside thinking I'll just put this down and run right back out to get him. Of course, he was gone when I went back to get him. I found him...but this is what is difficult.
Sorry, I guess this turned into a pity party for me.
Jordan had a really hard day today...although it is ending on a good note. It was a day where he woke me up and asked me what was wrong with him. Around lunch time he was depressed and couldn't stop crying. He's also said he is afraid.
You know about the hallucinations. On Friday we drove up to Raleigh for our first visit with a NeuroPsych. This is the person that will help manage the medications for hallucinations as well as depression. We doubled his antipsychotic on Friday. It's still considered a very low dose. I was thinking the hallucinations were getting better. But I'm really not sure.
Sometimes when he is distressed and telling me what is wrong I have trouble discerning if he is describing a hallucination. It is hard to tell...because he also has AZ...so sometimes there is crazy talk without hallucinations. He has definitely been flashing back to heartbreaking episodes that happened in his childhood.
Tonight we had dinner with Danielle. He is always better when we are with her. Though he had a panic attack there and one in the car on the way home. Those had gotten better until today.
When we got home we went to the hammock area of our complex. --I try to go there at least once a day with him. They have rope hammocks and rope double swings. We usually sit in a swing. He will usually agree to this anytime we are outside. Even if he is mad at me...he'll sit in the swing with me. The time in the swing under the trees calms us both down. It is soothing to sit under the trees and just be.
We are ending the night on a good note. ...Ice cream. He is in a good mood at the moment.
