Waiting...

Easter is here and I find myself feeling peace and joy and love and gratitude. I have so many thoughts and emotions that it is hard to untangle them. I will try to pull out some thoughts that can hang together with some meaning.

These baby hummingbirds are waiting for their mother. Through the magic of webcams, I was able to watch these babies as they grew. I watched the mother come check on them when they were small (er). They were so small they actually fit in the nest. I watched the mother come feed them. I watched her return later to feed them again. In this photo, the babies are almost weaned. They will be leaving the nest within days. But at this moment they are waiting. 

I, myself, am not a good waiter. I become impatient. I become agitated. I am not calm and I resist calming influences. Maybe I am not a good waiter because I have a strong need to be "in control". The sheer act of waiting makes it abundantly clear that I am not in control.

I realize my inability to wait is not a virtue. I also realize that as much as I may think I'm in control I am not. Every once in a while, I am reminded of the freeing relief that comes from not being in control.

A mentor of mine has helped me learn the importance of sitting with discomfort. This is a fairly new concept for me. As you can imagine, for someone who doesn't wait well, it's even harder to sit (wait) with discomfort. 

We are not talking about physical discomfort. We are talking about when I feel unsure or when I sense conflict. I have a strong need for peace, if not harmony. When conflict arises I have an overwhelming need for resolution. If I am sitting with discomfort I must resist the urge to "go fix things". I must wait. 

It is not easy for me, to say the least, but I'm getting better at it. I began to use Sitting With Discomfort as a practice. The act of sitting, the act of not acting or reacting became the lesson. 

I began to see positive and unexpected results. Conflicts resolved themselves without my intervention. 

I'm still trying to learn what it all means in the big picture of life. I think if I examine it closer I'll see a connection to waiting and blessing.