Balance, Priorities and Puppies

I haven't been on my blog for a while. I'm a little overwhelmed. Not necessarily in a bad way. Work is very busy. Which is great. Coincidentally I've also had to schedule miscellaneous appointments (dentist, eye dr., reg. dr., etc. ). The time away from the office is not ideal. But, it's hard to predict when our production spikes will occur. So...I've had to put in a few more hours on the back end of a normal workday.  That's my story.

Work / Life Balance

Instead of going to yoga, I've stayed at work. I really should start a practice at home. But I really enjoy it so much more when I have a teacher to follow. It's also a nice communal experience. Neither of which I want to give up. But...when we are busy and I have to choose where to spend the extra time...I do have to keep in mind that work actually pays for yoga.  So...

Priorities and Choices

I admit that I'm making a choice. It is a choice. It's a choice between leaving work "on time", or early even and doing yoga for the health and mind-clearing benefits. But, I also know that leaving without getting what needed to be done completed...just means a sleepless night as I worry about how I'm going to get it all done the next day. 

So anyhoo, I woke up today blue. Stressed a little about what I have ahead of me at work. Worried a little about how I will get it all done. Yadda, yadda, yadda---blue.

I took Jacob out for his morning walk. --It was already muggy. I wanted to give Jacob a little extra time. So I walked the long way around the complex, making our way to the dog park. Jacob and I visited the apartment dog park a couple of times when we first moved here. Both times we were the only two in the park. So, I sort of had it in my head that going to the doggie park at the complex was a solo kind of thing....which isn't that appealing.

Happiness: 

The dog park has been updated. The grass is turf so that it doesn't become a mud pit after our torrential rains. They added a few obstacles for dogs. It is nice.

More happiness: 

Two doggies were already in the park. Instant playmates. One dog was a Yorkie (I think). The other...a puppy. An English sheepdog puppy. He was a joy to watch. Several other people came with their dogs which made the whole thing more interesting. 

And, just that short time watching a puppy play...made all the difference in my day.

Homage to Taking Tea at the Orangery
To Honor Our British Friends

I'm getting back into the swing of posting. For the past several weeks I've been working late (which is a good thing, because business is good). I've also sacrificed my yoga practice (which is NOT a good thing). I need yoga. I WANT yoga. And now, today as I type this I have to decide if I will return to yoga tonight. 

I have read a new book which I plan to tell you about...it is just a little dense for me...but still worth it. The book is about the brain. I've just not wanted to write about brains, but soon I will.

I was really sad a few weeks ago. I visited with an attorney "get my affairs in order."  I'm not sick. I'm just trying to be a good grown up. When Danielle was born, we had a will made. The main point of that document was to appoint God Parents, in case the unthinkable happened. Luckily, the unthinkable did not happen and Danielle, herself, is now an adult. 

But, you know each year when I choose my medical benefits at work...I have a nagging thought that the unthinkable will one day be the inevitable. I had this crushing feeling that the unthinkable was becoming more thinkable each day.

So here it is. I actually had a very clear realization that I don't want to die. Not only that, I was seriously surprised by such a realization. ~I mean we all know that everyone dies, right? Even as a child my bedtime prayer included "if I die before I wake..." But, I'm just now feeling mortal. Like I not only may actually die one day but that I actually will die one day. 

I'm a Christian. I have faith in an afterlife and I've held onto that faith each time I've lost a loved one. 

I'm finding out that it is possible to have two diametrically opposing views simultaneously. The two contradictions are equally weighing on my heart. This too is surprising to me.

What I realized so clearly is that I don't think I'm afraid to die. I don't think I'm afraid of what comes next. But I DON'T WANT TO GO. I don't want to leave. I love so much here on earth that I just don't want to go. 

I guess this is a mid-life three-quarter life crisis. It sort of makes sense. We've been an empty nest for several years. Before the nest was empty, there was no time or energy to contemplate such things. 

In the midst of all of these heavy emotions, I've also been struck by some amazing moments of serendipitous joy. That is also a contradiction. And yet, it's true. Even now, as my heart is happy because I just spent 30 minutes thinking about taking tea at the Orangery in London. It is something I did by myself on my first trip to London. 

And so, I leave you with these thoughts. Some of them are quite heavy. But so many more will be light.

Nothing Beats a Cup of Tea

Photo: Taking Tea at the Orangery.

I'm getting back into the swing of posting. For the past several weeks I've been working late (which is a good thing, because business is good). I've also sacrificed my yoga practice (which is NOT a good thing). I need yoga. I WANT yoga. And now, today as I type this I have to decide if I will return to yoga tonight. 

I have read a new book which I plan to tell you about...it is just a little dense for me...but still worth it. The book is about the brain. I've just not wanted to write about brains, but soon I will.

I was really sad a few weeks ago. I visited with an attorney "get my affairs in order."  I'm not sick. I'm just trying to be a good grown up. When Danielle was born, we had a will made. The main point of that document was to appoint God Parents, in case the unthinkable happened. Luckily, the unthinkable did not happen and Danielle, herself, is now an adult. 

But, you know each year when I choose my medical benefits at work...I have a nagging thought that the unthinkable will one day be inevitable. I had this crushing feeling that the unthinkable was becoming more thinkable each day.

So here it is. I actually had a very clear realization that I don't want to die. Not only that, I was seriously surprised by such a realization. ~I mean we all know that everyone dies, right? Even as a child my bedtime prayer included "if I die before I wake..." But, I'm just now feeling mortal. Like I not only may actually die one day but that I actually will die one day. 

I'm a Christian. I have faith in an afterlife and I've held onto that faith each time I've lost a loved one. 

I'm finding out that it is possible to have two diametrically opposing views simultaneously. The two contradictions are equally weighing on my heart. This too is surprising to me.

What I realized so clearly is that I don't think I'm afraid to die. I don't think I'm afraid of what comes next. But I DON'T WANT TO GO. I don't want to leave. I love so much here on earth that I just don't want to go. 

I guess this is a mid-life three-quarter life crisis. It sort of makes sense. We've been an empty nest for several years. Before the nest was empty, there was no time or energy to contemplate such things. 

In the midst of all of these heavy emotions, I've also been struck by some amazing moments of serendipitous joy. That is also a contradiction. And yet, it's true. Even now, as my heart is happy because I just spent 30 minutes thinking about taking tea at the Orangery in London. It is something I did by myself on my first trip to London. 

And so, I leave you with these thoughts. Some of them are quite heavy. But so many more will be light.

I Don't Know Where to Start

I have opened this blog so many times to write a real post.  The actual writing of the post never happened. Instead, I busied myself with non-writing bloggy things. I've heard that writers get their best house cleaning done when they are on a deadline. That was me. Only, that really never happens to me. Technically, I'm never on a deadline. And yet...I came here to write. 

You may have noticed I changed the look of the blog. Yeah, that kind of bloggy stuff can really keep you from writing. I also got so OBSESSED "caught up" in the new look that I could not stop tinkering. There are still some hidden secrets to getting the formatting consistent throughout. Yeah, this code is above my pay grade. In fact, I need to give a should out to the designer:   "Bthemez".  It's funny, I've spent so much time working with this HTML code I had this feeling that I knew the designer. But, I really don't. But their work is really nice!

I have been writing...but not for publication. Maybe that is why I couldn't bring myself here. Maybe I had already expressed what I wanted to say. 

But, no. That is not the case.  I have plenty to say. I just haven't gotten comfortable with saying it yet. (Sharing it yet?)

I really do like my little space on the web. I hope you continue to stop by. 

I thought it was a good time to revisit one of my successes.

Last year (2015) I simply nailed it. I quietly and methodically nailed it. --I actually feel gleeful as I boldly pronounced my year a success!  {Who does that?}

To recap, my goals for 2015 were:
* Own a workout habit. 

* Consistently get 8 hours sleep...more if needed.

* Find JOY in little things. Everyday.

And my word for 2015 was: RELAX. As Aaron Rodgers said, "R-E-L-A-X.  Relax. We're going to be OK."