Keeping It Real

I've been off-line since Tuesday. I've been cranky. I didn't want to write/blog in my cranky mood. Actually, I'm being too nice when I say I've been cranky. I've been sullen. Maybe that is a better world. Yes, I believe that is a more honest description of what I have been. I hesitate to write when I'm this way. I hesitate to write because of several reasons:


I want this to be a place for fun. And I hope it is {sometimes, at least} funny. I'm completely okay with biting humor. I don't want this to be simply a venting venue. That's almost too easy.

Interestingly, I'm not the only person that struggles with trying navigating this boundary. I participated in the #blogsmarts twitter party yesterday. For me, the answer to "biggest" {blogging} struggle question revolves around this.

I mean, I love to read other blogs...and I enjoy being allowed to see a little snippet of the blogger's life...but I'm not under an illusion that the blog showcases the entire life. After all, a blog is not a diary.

There's a balance....no sharing and as a reader, I feel cheated. I want to know something about the writer (blog or otherwise). I want to feel some connection.

But, too much sharing can be a turn-off. We all have problems...some are so much greater than mine, that I run the risk of sounding like I'm whining in comparison. 

Some things that make me unhappy are directly related to if I feel mistreated by others. {By people that know me in real life.} My blog is not a secret, so I have to assume that anyone I know may read it. So...in case anyone that knows me IS reading this...I say: "Words and tone can definitely be hurtful". Some people enjoy a good sparring...but I doubt they would like their loved ones spoken to in a similar manner. Or...maybe they speak to their loved ones this way...in which case I am the LUCKY ONE.

It is difficult to pretend that I sleep easily when I feel mistreated. I don't. I really, really don't. When I was younger, I comforted myself by thinking that when people mistreated others their sleep would be restless. Now, sadly, I doubt it. Certainly, they know that they are hurting someone with their words while they are saying them. I no longer believe that they "had no idea that I took it that way" or took it "personally".  FYI, if you are saying something rude or cruel to someone it IS personal.

I suppose there is some comfort there. Perhaps their rational / non-personal reasoning simply proves to be lacking so they resort to "making it personal". To that, I say:  "Not nice, people...not nice!"

I don't want anyone that reads this to think I'm referring to them when I say "not nice". Truly, those that have been unkind would have no reason to read this.

I decided to share this because I suspect many of us have felt similarly. I will have to say my prayers extra carefully tonight to be sure that I have not willfully hurt someone in a similar manner. And, I will pray for strength as I continue to return to the scene of battle...because I must return.

My next post will be much happier...I promise.